Midnight Madness!!!

It's 12:38am at the moment and I should be fast asleep... I should say, most nights I'm fast asleep by now... Most nights I'm asleep with in 10-15 minutes at the most.... but not tonight.

The Movie I was watching ended at midnight and I went straight to bed. At least that was my intention...

Seems it's another one of those restless nights where I can't seem to find the OFF button, so I have 101 things on my mind which are keeping me awake.

So here I am, posting my 25th blog entry. Perhaps after I vent a little frustration, I'll feel a little better and will be able to fall asleep.... makes sense to me anyway..

This last week has had more ups and downs then a rollercoaster. I've had to deal with yet another new manager, finally getting an answer about getting a pay raise after 3 years, only to get slapped in the face with what was offered... Turning the big 3-0 which was rather depressing to be completely honest...having a 4 day weekend, which seems to be the only good thing so far... and feeling frustrated and sad because I miss James so much *sigh* I think that's everything....

I guess there is no better place to start than the beginning... I know in a previous entry I mentioned having a new Manager, there are some adjustments to be made now that he's here enforcing new rules and new ways of doing things.... to be expected..

I have been asking for a raise for the last 3 years and so far every time I've mentioned it to the powers that be, I get the same answers which have been " Now is not a good time, ask me again in the Spring." "Last month was not a good month, ask again once business picks up." "No one is getting a raise this year." All of my requests have been swept under the rug in hopes that I'll stop asking. Finally on Thursday which was my 30th birthday coincidentally, I finally got an answer.... The powers that be wanted to offer a whole whopping $20.00 a week to my paycheck.... all of a 50 cent/hour raise! My new manager of 4 days questioned that and suggested $40.00 a week ( $1.00/hour more) I should tell you that I was not present when this little pow wow took place... No No I was at lunch and was never asked before the paperwork was handed in to Human Resources Now HR has to go through my record and see that I've been a good girl and IF they approve that request gets sent to one of the Owner's to make the final decision. Which is complete BS!!!! No one from HR knows me or can say whether or not I deserve a pay increase, Nor does the Owner know who I am. Seems the immediate managers no longer have the power to give raises.... I just don't understand their way of thinking sometimes..... From what I understand, I could be waiting another 3 weeks for an answer.... Still, I had a game plan, I was NOT going to settle for a mere $1.00/hour more... Not after busting my ass for 3 years, This company is not even decent enough to give their employees a cost of living increase...For me the was the Ultimate slap in the face!!! I know, most of you are probably thinking that $1.00 more is better than nothing... and you're right... every little bit helps... But it's the principle of the matter that pisses me off.

Next up.... the BIG 30.... I think this was the first year I actually worked and was not on vacation... that and this was the first year I spent it by myself... Kinda sad really... I started thinking about my life, where I am, what I've accomplished, which I couldn't come up with an answer too, knowing I could be happier IF my life wasn't "On Hold" at the moment ...so that made matters just that much more depressing...

And last, but certainly not least.... the time apart from James My heart goes out to those of you that for whatever reason are separated from your significant other. James had to go back to Calgary during the last week of April. We do chat on msn everyday and we use skype and our webcams sometimes. We also find time to hunt in game together... But it's just not the same as being together in person... it's the little things I miss ...like the warm welcome when I got home form work, the way he'd tuck me in at night if I were going to bed first, the nights we'd go to bed and lay there talking till 3am, well you get the point...
It's tough having to spend so much time apart. We do try to make the best of the situation, and we know that our relationship is that much stronger for having endured months of separation. The next time we are together will be that much sweeter

Many nights I've laid in bed and thought of all the great times we've shared and I smile and in the same instant I feel the tears trickling down. I wish I could pass it off as tears of joy, but that's not the case

So, that's pretty much what's been running through my mind, like a broken record... and why I can't fall asleep right away... and Good God it's already 2:15am....Now that I've had a chance to vent... maybe now I'll try to get some sleep..... no promises...

I hope you sleep well... Thanks for listening/ reading....